I find myself, again, presented with this scene, in which I feel in my mouth an unfamiliar presence. The circumstances change from time to time, the events proceeding, always differ, but what matters is this: I cannot tolerate this alien presence in me.
I reach into my mouth with my fingertips and grasp the end of whatever is in my mouth and begin to pull, but instead of the relief one would find from say, yanking some bit of food from betwixt teeth, I feel a tug, a pull from deep within, and before my eyes I see that I and pulling a bit of string.
In every instance I forget the time before, as if some form of selective amnesia takes hold, and I can only remember the present events. I try harder to unwind the substance from my mouth, but the more I pull, the longer the string before me becomes, trailing down and down and finally pilling on the ground, like a neat little pile of entrails from a disemboweled corpse. The pulling sensation is trailing all the way down my throat now, and I can feel that whatever it is I’m pulling on is coming from somewhere deep inside, some hidden place that I cannot recognize, and yet it continues to come without end.
I want to stop, but I can’t, the feeling of this strange substance yanking upward out of me is SICKENING, like being pulled apart and vomiting at the same time, but I can’t stop myself. I want it OUT of me, I want it GONE. Sometimes, I’ll try to break the string in half with my teeth, try to pry it apart and maybe swallow down whatever remains, but I can’t. Whatever it is, its quite durable, and very much unbreakable.
The events always trail off in my sleeping mind, unavoidable, but drifting into wakening, in a start as from a nightmare. I don’t know how many times its happened, only that it keeps happening. Maybe one day I’ll get it all out, and the dreams will end…