untitled stream of consciousness

so here it goes

WRITE SOMETHING

flash SOMETHING across my field of vision like

WHAT IN HELL AM I DOING THIS FOR

it’s two am and I’m still awake still aware still

NO WHERE NEAR closer to being any thing but

ALONE at my computer in the middle of the night

and all avenues of human contact have been

VIOLENTLY SEVERED if they were limbs i’d

be a quadruple amputee all nubs like oversized thumbs

maybe even tattoo fingernails on them

cause I’m just that kind of cripple

and WHY WOULD YOU TALK TO MY MOTHER

why reach out at all if your just going to

IGNORE EVERY OLIVE BRANCH EXTENDED

like I’m waving a god damned severed limb at you

and its not enough to be THIS MUCH DAMAGED

now I have to be the only one I know

all others I know are better off not knowing

that I’m WAY BETTER OFF

and singing songs my obscure bands about

being alone and pushing aside those

HANGING ON HANGERS ON

those friends who outstayed there welcome

but like I said its not enough to be

CRIPPLED both

EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY

now every BODY worth a damned

has straight UP gotten UP and walked UP UP AND AWAY

FROM ME and all my bullshit

ever more a never more I’m more than this

I’m MORE THAN A WHINE IN THE NIGHT

or a wine in the dine

a self indulgent TRYST WITH DISASTER

thats all we were and I’m still hating myself

for you hating myself

and even people who don’t even KNOW me

looking down their noses at me

like the damned vestigial bit of flesh on there

CROOKED ASS FACES

couldn’t just be BITTEN THE FUCK OFF

144138

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