CHASTE NOT BY CHOICE

It’s one thing to be alone

but another entirely to come to the conclusion

the painful realization that

even the most standard of flirtations

will bring my heart to palpitations

shred my confidence in the aftermath of a

missed opportunity

a juxtaposition of emotions when

one woman calls me “mam”

and another flirts so hard that I

cannot stand

and cant comprehend why I

froze and babbled

spoke unhinged and binged on

the overflowing anxiety

that spilled forth and

I wouldn’t recommend

standing idle in the face of

this stance this stanza of a

shirked romance I’m still

shaking from the words simply kind

and can’t unwind or open up wide

to the way I should respond

rather represent a mouth agog

and no amount of therapy

treatment weekly given in

doses of revelation spent

will birth forth in me

a way of being where I’m

not a crippled being

tattered soul and broken wings

a warrior once now a worrier

a pointless reckoning where

I have the gumption to leave

my hobbit hole once in a while

but cannot speak to any

passers by who would reap

the rewards of companionship

given gladly from me

if I could just reach out and

be at peace with the

unease in me

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8 thoughts on “CHASTE NOT BY CHOICE

  1. I think the idea of loneliness is a little bit more poignant when a handicap is involved be it mental illness or a physical disability. Did see a great news bit on the 7.30 report about quite disabled (physically and mentally) young people having like a speed dating/ dance night. It was wonderful to see. There was one bloke who was quite the Lothario.

    The only disability I had was I was a dag, picture purple corduroys while rollerskating (it was the eighties) UGHH! But the girls said I was cute, I HATE cute!, but it helped.

    Loneliness is hard, I have experienced it for awhile and it sent me a little bit crazy. Not crazy, crazy, just crazy. I really hope you find someone who understands you. I will know when you have, you won’t post for weeks you’ll be busy doing something else!

    • Thanks! Yeah, loneliness is quite the bitch and being disabled just makes it all the more worse, you lack options this way and with the stigma involved with both mental illness and disability you end up basically being a pariah.

  2. Who are you kidding Binks? You have much to offer! At the least, a decent times in Medieval Renactments. A book that will make you a decent amount of cash, of about how to be truthful about what you suffer.

    Otherwise your just wasting your time.

    • I tend to mostly write about myself, from personal experience I find that openly sharing the stuff I write about other people to end badly, not everyone likes there garbage aired on the internet! >:P

  3. You have been dumping a good amount of garbage/ experience on the internet. Are you happy with likes and not much else, fuck, have they said shit to you? How to manage a mental problem? Well, I can tell you, my girlfriends has two suffering children. Children, well, well past their thirties’, one spits, one neglect her beautiful child. I have beaten the father and the son, you, sir, carry on.

    • I had a brother once, made my mental issues look like a case of the sniffles, dudes paranoia was so bad that any time I posted anything he assumed it was about him… Things got dicey, I had to cut him off… Hated to do it, but had to stay safe, since then I’ve been a bit paranoid about posting anything about other people in my life…

      • Sorry Binks, I can’t believe I wrote that, well, I can. I blasted a real estate agent just last week, for promising everything and delivering nothing. He had at least twenty kilos and at least twenty years on me, so good thing I did not push it.

        I took the opportunity to unload on him, all the shit I hate about real estate agents for a good while. It goes without saying it was induced. Don’t worry, your safe from me, unless you win the Ipswich Poetry Feast, than I will come hunting for you.

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