FUTURE IMPERFECT

If I would die today imperfect

my regrets would prevent passage to

a better place a bitter taste of

acidic platitudes makes no difference to me

when I would look upon the horizon

back in hazier days where I

couldn’t tell the difference between

reality and fantasy and I

will not be more than my

false starts and attempts at being my

self serving tendencies are buried deep within

and I try to balance out my anxiety

with my fears of never being never pleading

never accomplishing anything

so I try again to make amend with myself

to apologize to me

for denying myself a life worth living

and the fear it comes on so damned strong

and paralytic ice water fills my veins

when I even contemplate leaving

this hollow safety zone

it’s my home but it’s a hole that I

am hiding in for all

the things I collect material comforts

not worth it

nothing I need

a friend a companion a reason to

wake up in the morning other than

coffee and the brazen act of

spiting the raw deal I’ve been given

giving out the reasons

that I’ve come so far from

living in isolation but have I

really come far at all

from the places I’ve been

when i cannot open up

to anyone within arms reach

still reaching out to strangers afar

when I’m lacking simply tacking on

the fucking cause

effect me and direct me to the

future that’s in store

and I’m shopping for a better day

when me and you stand together

on better shores

starry

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2 thoughts on “FUTURE IMPERFECT

  1. Better shores, I am not to sure that exists, in fact I am convinced it doesn’t exist. But I know we exist, I know you exist, just by being a blogger that my mate told me to write, because he says I can write. I had the sneaking suspicion I could write, but I was getting stoned with my mates.

    What if we held the suspension of reality, what we are now? what would we want to be?

    It is worth considering.

  2. Bennison Books are doing a book of poems from people generally. Put up The Dance of the Splintered Souls. If you don’t I will impersonate you and put it up anyway. Mind you they are pretty clued up with me.

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