ON: THE IMPORTANCE OF CHANGING NAMES

We come into this world transient things on a time limit, born in on wings of promise and hope, but with so little life to be had and so many things to accomplish. It seems weird to me, then, that the names we bear, those little icons of our inherent humanity, are chosen before the givers of those names even have an inkling of who we are, or who we will turn out to be. Think of yourself in that position, if you haven’t already been there before. You are an expecting parent, mother or father, and your child has yet to be born, but you must in your “infinite wisdom” give them a moniker they will be effectively stuck with the rest of there lives. You must define them, in most cases with little more than a grainy sonogram pointing out their genitalia. It seems to me that a person in that position has better odds of pulling a name out of a hat that will be a fitting one than picking one on the basis of the information they are given.

Names have power, the names we are given define is I subtle ways, define how people think about us in terms of gender and identity, and define how we think of ourselves in those terms and many more. Given the choice, and with zero repercussions, would you chose to alter you name from that which was chosen nearly at random? For me that answer was simple, a resounding YES.

Our society puts so much pressure on the naming of children, so much to the point of if a child isn’t given one of the current socially accepted names they become nearly a pariah among their peers. Wouldn’t it make more sense if the naming of a person fell on the person themselves? Who knows better about who you are than YOU. Who better suited to give yourself a name than YOU.

Our parentage is another matter entirely, our last names show where we came from, while inversely our first and middle names show where we are going, or are meant to. But what if you wish to cut yourself off from your past? Many people do, its not entirely uncommon. And in that same vein, what if you wish to redefine where you are going? To take the reigns of your life and redirect your course in some dramatic and well thought out manner? Is it really so capricious to want to alter the once thought to be set in stone series of concept and letters that are our names?

Think of cases of trans children, whose entire identity hast to be altered on the basis of gender in flux, or those who wish to cut themselves off from painful or abusive relatives, or even those who just wish to have a name that is more in line with who they are are less in line with the thoughts and whims and expectations of parents with no idea who they were birthing? A THOUSAND reasons to change those tiny letters that spell out who we are, and very little to give credence to the current name giving paradigm. If I could without much recourse I’d change my name to one better suited to me, for both purposes, to cut myself off from my history, and to redefine where I am going, and I doubt I’m the only one.

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INFANT GROWING UP

sickly sweet tangents blinding

find myself in forward thinking

twist back on fickle mindset

I fret and jam the threats in step

hate dripping in my ego

in a past not long ago

re-reading every page though

of a book I’m sure to know

deny my constant findings

delay my state of mind

I’m caught up in my windings

clockwork heart starting to choke

so I woke up wasted one day

blurted out whats in my heart

night tripped into a blinding

echo chamber of larks

when I found he didn’t run

when I found he didn’t run away

when I found no disgust in this mess

I found a reason now to stay

my form is twice a broken thing

my essence at odds with my being

my reflection telling lies to me

I’m many people in one

shrinking photo op

giving birth and breaking up

fucking with my aching parts

and starting shit when no one

else is even down

to frown and spice things

entice them with pictures so confusing

brooding is no longer my forte

this giggling abomination

here to stay

BROKEN BINDINGS

tie me to the window

and hang me out to dry

epochs drifting slowly from this

place where I reside

in a bubble caught betwixt

sheets lost in the mix

I’m fixated on this trick

narcissistic for my fix

and its nowhere but me

a place where I can be

and its nowhere but now

somehow I’ve found myself and how

do you make it make sense

in my defense

I’ve never had time to look

too far within when I’ve been

a broken bindings book

so i’m calling out my name

its the same that sickly startling thing

I’m a beneficiary of me

inherited relief

and I’m looking out the window

while walking down the street

can you blame me for my weakness

to be all I can be

I am now a one man army of me

a blasphemy to some but

to others a calming hymn

will I still regret the past

when I outlast this uncertainty

when I break through my window

into a transformed being

FAST FORWARD

Wasting time and effort on this

plethora of people near and dear

and far away

I’m twisting time and singing

voice cracking but still believing

me is the way I was born to bleed

and be a better me than I could be

if I had a better upbringing

maybe I’d still have the hope I seek

renew me redeploy this heart attack

blackened by the days of my past

flip back get on track with the tracking

of this beat up vcr that used to play

rewind an be kind to me I’m still

getting used to the idea of

being free

being a being that knows its purpose

its worth it but I’m still feeling

hesitate before the day is dawning

iron wrought gates and silver linings

beside myself with sinning

in disbelief of my new beginnings

breathe in seek in step outside my door

let the air out and restore this

solid gold attempt to find myself

if I fail I have no one else

GOLDEN

I tip my glass to second chances at this

class of classless

people seemingly here for the

gravity of bliss

and I’m trickling down into my new

identity each day

its a freckled face forgiveness of

the past I walked away from

so this new born bitch

will be gloating in the morning

and this brazen beast will be

fighting towards the dawn

and I’m a frightened thing

but still frightening

I have words to speak

things to teach now that I’m

golden

HATCHING

kaleidoscope attractions

on spectrums far and wide

I’m a new born bastard

moving faster now by my own design

and its thickness is where I am

sideways glance at another chance at me

no reason no reproach

with plenty of undertones and I’m

stick to the script with all of you

when it comes to how I’ll show through

and no more will it be so true

as when the door comes askew

and there’s plenty of this dance

where I’m

caught in flux and making changes happen

I’m burning up at both ends but I’m

rises from the ashes

this face this disgrace this visage of me that everyone can see

isn’t quite as deep as it seems the seems are leaking through

a light from within being bloomed and I’m a new man new plan

no regrets will stand in my way when

the creaking cracks in this mask rot away the ends

that hold it in

so make me be a me I’m pleased with easy with and comfort born

of being in this skin or merely recognizing my own face

I’ll totter on the edge a pressapass of keeping pace with change

keeping up with rearranging all my features and dismay

so here it goes it gutters out a flame is starting and burning down

again and letting out the chagrin the grin I’ve kept within

its almost done its almost there its almost aware of itself

and maybe the next time I gaze mirror-ward I’ll be

someone else