kaleidoscope attractions

on spectrums far and wide

I’m a new born bastard

moving faster now by my own design

and its thickness is where I am

sideways glance at another chance at me

no reason no reproach

with plenty of undertones and I’m

stick to the script with all of you

when it comes to how I’ll show through

and no more will it be so true

as when the door comes askew

and there’s plenty of this dance

where I’m

caught in flux and making changes happen

I’m burning up at both ends but I’m

rises from the ashes

this face this disgrace this visage of me that everyone can see

isn’t quite as deep as it seems the seems are leaking through

a light from within being bloomed and I’m a new man new plan

no regrets will stand in my way when

the creaking cracks in this mask rot away the ends

that hold it in

so make me be a me I’m pleased with easy with and comfort born

of being in this skin or merely recognizing my own face

I’ll totter on the edge a pressapass of keeping pace with change

keeping up with rearranging all my features and dismay

so here it goes it gutters out a flame is starting and burning down

again and letting out the chagrin the grin I’ve kept within

its almost done its almost there its almost aware of itself

and maybe the next time I gaze mirror-ward I’ll be

someone else



OK I’m going to take a minute to talk about something really serious and at the same time mind bogglingly fucking silly.   I’m a big fan of a hybrid-media/webcomic called Homestuck.  If you know what that is, then you you can imagine my level of obsession with it, but something isn’t right with the god damned ending, and I can sum it up with one screenshot:


THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE! It’s screwing with the genealogy, and messing with my head, and I’ve already been up all night (for unrelated reasons) and now THIS occurs to me:

THIS GUY is NOT who he appears to be, but SOMEHOW MAGICALLY IS???

OK brief rundown: WHOLE LOTTA MUTUAL RELATIONS GOING ON IN THIS BITCH, there are folks that are each other’s parents simultaneously, and it’s all super complicated and difficult to explain and has to do with notions of time travel and destiny.  However: that isn’t the case for the stately gentleman in the fedora.  We are told that in his version of the universe (the alpha kids universe, the final instance in a long running series of reboots of the same universe) that there version of john showed up way earlier, sired the man with some woman (who is never named or shown) and the man raised another character of importance (Jane Crocker) who is the genetic progenitor of John. AGAIN HOWEVER: he appears, acts, and looks like a figure from another universe, the parental figure (but not genetic father) of john.  Dude even has the same hobbies and shit. AND if you can get your head around that fucking mind knot of genealogy, Jane acts as the genetic forbearing of John (motherways) but ALSO serves as his grandmother in  john’s version of the universe.

SO the figure in question is John’s parental figure, who in Johns universe is the child of that universe’s Jane and some guy who I can’t recall, but the SAME PERSON (as far as is shown???) appears in Jane’s universe but is the child of John????

The reason they are hugging in this screenshot is because the “Father/son” remembers HIS father (alt-john) and when he see’s beta John goes up and hugs him, but John HUGS BACK because somehow HE’S ALSO HIS FATHER, when it doesn’t make sense for him to be.  The two figures are virtually identical, if only in anonymity and style of dress and hobbies and methods of parenting and BASICALLY EVERYTHING, when they shouldn’t be, it should be two totally different people.

So… Plot hole? Outright error on the part of the author? OR another example of paradox space making the reader its bitch?

WHATEVER is going on here, I can’t wrap my head around it…


SO I just finished up playing DOOM (2016) and in the middle of Shadow Warrior, and considering that Duke Nukem: Forever is already a thing (albeit not nearly as fucking awesome as the previously mentioned two games) one thought is spinning through  my head: Where is the Blood?

Those three games remain the penultimate FPS experiences for a LOT of people, the earliest and best example of a genre that had nowhere to go but up.  I remember playing Doom and Doom II on janky old charity computers when I was just a kid, and being blown away but the gameplay and ideas therein.  Blood for me will remain my favorite, a mixture of concepts all summoned forth from my favorite horror films and playing out in a glorious 3d interactive game with top of the line (for the time) graphics.  I distinctly remember the cackling voice of the main character, Caleb, spouting off one liners as you chewed through the armies of Technerbog and his nefarious cult, all doned in various colors of robes and ready to take you down.  The references were many, the action was plentiful, and the style was everything I wanted in a game.

So it seems to me that NOW is the time for a current gen HD Blood game.  Barring the existence of Blood II: The Chosen (a sub par game with only the most subtle of callbacks to the original) there hasn’t been a title in this series in decades, and I for one would love to see how it would play out.  Taking on again the role of Caleb, a bad-ass undead gunslinger with a penchant for Bruce Campbell movies, would for me be pure fucking joy.

The voice actor by the way was in an incredibly low budget homage to first person shooters called “FPS”, and it pretty much played out like Blood: The Movie.  It was a mixture of ideas from the genre of horror games and first person shooters alike, and was shot entirely in a first person perspective (the first to do this, sorry Hard Core Henry Fans).  The trailer can be found on youtube, but however, the release was limited and its a bitch to get ahold of in the states.

SO the question remains: Where is Blood?

Give us the full experience, stabbing the fuck out of zombies and cultist alike with a pitch fork, and gunning them down with his iconic range of guns and occult instruments, and the fans will come out of the woodwork and you’ll make millions.  Considering that its basically abandonware at this point, the rights to it could probably be bought up for a half a pack of chewing gum and a slightly dingy nickel.

So give us blood, and I’ll buy it and so will MANY others, and spill some anew!




Astride bus seat I sit

cane in hand

and here I overhear a man

demand the definition of gravity

as if HIS answer would be more pleasing

he defers mysteries to deities

and here again I hear him speak

of the

“pitiful intelligence of man”

and he’s forgotten or

refused to understand

the inquisitions burnings and trials

sexual definitions and false smiles

and charity always with the price

of accepting christ when you’re already sitting nicely

spiritual or just not needing

a sermon with your daily meal, seemingly

already begged for and  never appealing

so feel me when I say this man isn’t hearing

upon high horse with god in hand

forgets the world is quite diverse and grand

with every man his own sung verse

his ignorance not blessing but curse




confusion wracks my brain and

fills me with remorse for the

things I’ve done and said

and I may never have a firm grasp

on this self-centered identity

where I am me but different to each

voice that comes out of me

and spouting off is all I’m ever good at

I’m pleading for a chance at me

struggling each day each moment

every second of my life

since I was torn from innocence

and then cast aside

so what am I but an amalgamate of

reflections shimmering

I’m filled to the top a glass half empty

but never knowing what I’ll be

so wake me up each morning

to a different face a different tone

my cadence is an ever shifting

drifting body sifting I’m shown

a way to be a way to make it all make sense

but what will be will be

and the face I lay bare makes no




I am selfless and conflicted

with the interests and objective reasoning

I’m giving away all my energy and

blisters cover all my feet

measured in distance traveled

history is bending into a loop

and this is where it ends just where it all began

I’m the latest scoop

of glistening ice cream that plagued me

in my bitter sweet youth

where everything was tainted

and regrets were born and blossoms bloom

so take a picture make it last and fast

your way into a body worth objectifying

rectify this tasteless baseless brood

I’m spouting off again and making zero sense

I’m opening up all my mouths

ten little fingers screaming in tandem

but will it all make something gossamer and true

or am I wasting all this time on loose ends

and sewing circles round my friends

that brought me back from the brink

and  made me thing it’ll be ok

in the end